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My dog was given a dried lamb’s ear a decade ago and that fucker is still begging for another.

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My body is changing more in middle age than it did during puberty. #fatandgrey

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Turtle heads are the most dick-like heads in the animal kingdom.

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Brits and Canadians really love to give their opinions on American culture and politics. We only tolerate that kind of bullshit because they’re not Mexicans.

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It really shouldn’t be pronounced keen-wah.

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