Suicide would be an appropriate reaction if it’s revealed that The Iron Shiek is the only true jabroni with dead dog tits.
So it turns out that Chris Hardwick and I have slept with a lot of the same women. He’s either doing great or I have been slumming.
In the last week I’ve been told that I look like Brendan Faser and Jeffery Dean Morgan. Truth is, I’m my own person, godammit. Quit treating me like a piece of meat. Get to know me and you’ll find that I’m so much more than masturbation fodder.
Melanie Griffith no longer gives me a boner. Meg Ryan never gave me a boner. Rita Wilson has the goods in perpetuity.
There’s gonna be some Highlander shit going down once Marky Mark and Good Will Bourne come to terms with the obvious.